Thank you to those who joined this week’s Idiot of the Week Blog Hop! This week’s winner is Jill at Universal Musings for her post on HR no-no’s, which I could totally relate to! For a good laugh check it out here.
And an honorable mention to Gabi at Gabi’s Stuff for her post on mis-spellings that really should have been caught. Check it out here.
Thanks again for joining the Blog Hop!
…and you idiots chose to hang out in front of my bathroom.
It seems like every time I go use the bathroom at work, there is a group of men standing right in front of the restroom door, shooting the breeze. Why? Why is this ‘the place to be.’ Do you enjoy the ambiance? Can’t get enough of that refreshing public bathroom scent? Or maybe this is a great place to pick up women?
“So, do you come here often?”
“Yes, about four times a day, ever since I started drinking a liter of water before lunch.”
Can you please.go.stand.SOMEWHERE ELSE!? I don’t know why it bothers me so much. Even though using the bathroom is a perfectly normal and acceptable thing to do, I always feel slightly embarrassed and ‘caught in the act’ if I have to make eye contact with someone as I walk in or out. No matter how hard I try to look normal, my eyes just scream, “I was just sitting on the toilet and we both know it, awkward!” I always blush and have some kind of “Busted!” look on my face.
Image credit: http://www.quickmeme.com
And it’s not just that these guys loiter around the door. They stand right in front of it, as if they are guarding it. Like they are going to ask me to “answer me these questions three” before they let me pass. So I always have to awkwardly cut through their conversation to get inside. You’d think that would be a wake up call. Like, “Oh, haha, wow I am standing right in front of the door to the women’s restroom, like a fucking creep, maybe I should move over a foot or two.” But no.
Another layer of discomfort is added to the situation if the same group of guys is standing there when you walk in and when you walk out. I feel like the meter is running on me. Like their conversation is going to time stamp my trip to the bathroom. “Wow, she was in there that whole time? When she went in we were talking about Syria and when she came out we were listing all the food trucks we’ve been to.” If you think I am being overly paranoid, you are wrong. If you think I flatter myself that anyone would notice how long I’ve been in the bathroom, think again. People notice. In my first week at a previous job, a male coworker pointed something out to me when a female coworker stepped out of the office. “See that, she is off to take her afternoon dump. 2:00 every day. You’ll see.” I learned two important things that day. 1. Don’t use the bathroom around 2:10 and 2. People notice everything.
Maybe it would help if I said something to these men. Not something like, “Excuse me.” No, something more aggressive and implicative like, “Do you often loiter outside women’s restrooms?” or “Is there anywhere else in this hallway you could stand so that I don’t have to request your permission to use the bathroom?” Or something else intended to humiliate and question their character. I know that would give me a good enough reason to stand somewhere else.
It seems like you can’t swing a purse these days without knocking over four idiots. So let’s all get together and laugh at them in the Idiot of the Week Blog Hop! You’ll have all week to decide on the biggest idiot in your life, write a hilarious tribute to him or her, and share it through the link-up between Thursday and Sunday. On Monday, I will announce the winner based on the post with the highest number of ‘Likes’.
Here are some ground rules:
1. Grab the badge below and include it in your post, or just link back to this post.
2. Share the link to your specific Idiot of the Week post (not your blog as a whole) through the link-up found at the bottom of this post.
3. Be sure to read/comment/like the other posts in the link up. Don’t be stingy with the ‘Likes’ just to win!
4. Remember that this is the internet so be judicious in your idiot-bashing.
Have fun!
Reflecting upon my recent interviews, I realized, I am either getting better at this, or interviews are getting easier. To be honest, I think they are getting easier. The last few I’ve had I just had to smile and listen. I barely even spoke, which might be why they went so well. I’m sure I am also getting better at them, but that isn’t saying much. I am so epically terrible at interviews, I had nowhere to go but up. Let’s take a brief tour through my Interview Hall of Shame as I share some of the tips I’ve learned over the years.
One of my very first interviews ever was my admissions interview with a Duke alum:
“So, you have been working at the FDA. Are you interested in science?”
“No, not really.” I apparently felt no need to elaborate.
Tip #1: Interview questions are very rarely meant as ‘yes’ or ‘no’ questions.
“…so why do you work there?”
“You know, a job is a job.” Gotta get them dolla dolla bills, ya feel me?
Tip #2: You don’t have to lie, but you don’t have to be brutally honest either. You win no points for being frank and indifferent.
Though she had probably already written me off, the interview went on.
“I see you write for the school paper. What are some articles you have written?”
“Well, I just wrote this one about ideas for Valentine’s gifts as an alternative to flowers and chocolates. Like, if your girlfriend really likes cheese, you could get her a block of cheese. And other stuff… I don’t remember.”
“Cheese?”
“Yeah, it was funnier in the article. You had to be there.”
I could tell, she was not impressed.
Tip #3: Don’t talk about cheese in an interview. No matter what your favorite movies tell you, cheese is not a good ice breaker.
Image credit: http://www.tumblr.com
Years later I had a similarly unpleasant interview for an HR analyst job. I think. I am not sure now what it was for, nor was I ever, which was a big part of why the interview failed. I got on the phone and really just had no idea what this lady was talking about. I very haphazardly bs-ed my way through her questions and most of my answers sounded a lot like this:
Image credit: http://www.fanpop.com
I wasn’t even prepared for the most obvious question of all: “What interested you about this job?” Woah, didn’t see that one coming! I don’t remember what lie I eventually came up with as my answer, but nothing is convincing after a long pause and an “uhhhhhhh.”
Tip #4: Always be prepared to answer obvious said question. Also, know what job you are being interviewed for.
Around that time, to pay the bills while I was job hunting, I got a part-time job at Pottery Barn Kids. Luckily, I had learned my lesson and knew to anticipate that sneaky “Why do you want this job?” question. When asked, I answered, “It’s close to my house….yeah, that’s pretty much it.” Nailed it!
Image credit: go.lawlogix.com
I had learned from Tip #3, but had already forgotten Tip #1: nobody needs to know what you really think. I still got the job, but my manager later told me that she didn’t want to hire me. Sounds about right.
Shortly after that, I finally got my head on straight and managed to make it through an interview without making a total ass of myself. Until the last question.
“What are you passionate about?”
Um, I’m sorry, what? I’m not one of those people who is ‘passionate’ about things. I’m passionate about not leaving the toilet paper roll empty. I’m passionate about not wearing leggings as pants and other inappropriate wardrobe choices. I’m passionate about dogs and people respecting my personal space. But if you expect me to come up with a real answer here where I talk about my ambitions or hobbies…
Image credit: http://www.tumblr.com
I got nothin. Now at this point, a lot of time has passed. A lot more than is necessary to answer a very simple question about my interests. She was tossing me a softball here. This was not supposed to be the ‘stump her’ question. The interviewer had a look on her face like, “Did I say something wrong? Did I break her?” because I’m looking at her like she has just uncovered my darkest secret.
So it’s time to spring into action. I start thinking of an answer. Can I say TV? I love my TV shows? No that is extremely pathetic and lame. Should I say world peace? No, God, this isn’t Miss America. What does she want to hear, volunteering? Training for marathons? Finally I just blurted something out to put us all out of our misery.
Tip #5: It is great to think about your answer, but at a certain point, you need to just say something, anything. Because the longer you spend thinking, the better the end result should be, and after a certain period of extended silence, you hit a point of diminishing returns. You just aren’t going to be able to live up to the expectations you’ve created, so it’s best to just cut your losses and give the best answer you have at the time. And as long as the answer isn’t “nah” or “cheese,” you should be okay.
What are some of your interview lessons learned, worst interview questions and answers, or other interview horror stories? Please do share, and make me feel like less of an idiot:)
Is Everyone an Idiot but Me? 