Eating for Two

Eating for two sounds fun, but not when it’s for your multiple personalities.

This is me at the store:

Should I get these cookies? No, I am healthy. Just the broccoli for me today.

This is me at home:

spongebob
nO, i’M hEaLthY. I onLY eAt bRoCCoLi

Fuck. This.  Broccoli – enjoy your stay! I’ll be over here melting chocolate chips on a cracker.

I can’t seem to reconcile these two beings. At the store, I am Mom, who thinks apples make a healthy snack between meals. At home, I am her three-year-old child, who doesn’t WANT to eat an APPLLLLLLEEEEEE, MOM! UUUUUGH *throws apple to the ground*.

And so sits the bag of apples. I might take them out of the bag, arrange them into a pyramid. Pick out that one that somehow has already rotted through from the inside and send a picture to a group chat. Ew! But other than that, I want nothing to do with them. Knowing this about myself, I started to buy one apple at a time. And at the end of the week, when I finally worked up the motivation to eat that lone apple, I would allow myself to grocery shop once again. Buying one apple at a time though is not the best plan in today’s ‘go to the store as infrequently as possible’ environment.

Even when I manage to eat healthy, it is just. not. filling.

To me, eating a healthy dinner just means that at 8pm I’m going to get hungry. And that at 9pm I’m going be close to deciding if I should go eat something. And that at 10pm, I’m going to be pouring syrup over a stack of waffles. Which, I think, is ultimately less healthy than just eating whatever I wanted for dinner in the first place and calling it a day.

Feel like you can relate? Commiserate! Let me know what you think:

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