So I Went Undercover is hosting a mad-libs contest in the form of an open letter to someone who has done you wrong. You take the form letter provided and fill in your specific details in the parentheses. See how I put the ‘mad’ in mad-libs in this very angry Open Letter to the Lady Who Cut Me in Line. I don’t want to set expectations too high, but I do think this is much better than the last mad-lib I did, which relied solely on the use of the noun ‘buttface’ and the adjective ‘poopy’ for humor:

Dear (Lady who cut me in line and had the nerve to yell at me when I called you out on it),

I have been trying to forget that I feel this way for quite a while, but I can’t pretend anymore.  I am really (confused about what just happened).  You know when you (walked right up to the front of the line and pretended like you just wanted to stand in the shade, but really, you wanted to cut the line because you are a lazy, entitled shit?)  Well, let me share how that makes me feel…  When you (act like rules don’t apply to you, and then act bewildered and victimized when I point those rules out to you, and then verbally harass me to deflect attention from yourself), I feel (like I want to punch you in the face.)  Not so much (offended,) or even (indignant,) but really, really (hungry for violent retaliation.)  It makes me want to (I dunno, retaliate violently, with my foot, ooh or a bat!)  I would like to think that I am not the only one who feels this way.  As a matter of fact, you know (those 30 other people in line that you cut in front of too?)  Well they told me that (they hate you too.)

You know what they say:  If one person says you’re a (rude, psychotic bitch), you can forget it.  When two people say you’re a (rude psycho b), you might want to consider it.  When three people say you’re (an RPB), you might want to (take a good hard look in the mirror and get the fuck out.)  It’s about that time for you, (RPB.)  Think about that.

Since we are being so honest, there are a few other things I would like to air.  I hate it when you (try to change the subject by repeatedly saying, “I just knew you were going to say something, I knew it!” ) It makes me (want to scream, “Big fucking deal!” because really, how is that your defense? Why the hell wouldn’t I say something when you march your fat ass up here and park it in front of me in line like that is a totally normal and socially acceptable thing to do?)

I also hate the way you (keep putting your hand in my face.)  Every time you do it I want to (put my hand) in your (face and proceed to slap the shit out of it.)

Also, (self-righteous indignation) is not your real friend.  Remember that secret that you shared?  Well (your obvious guilt) shared it with everyone.  Now everyone knows you (are a rule-breaking buttface) and they all laugh at you behind your back.

I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.  I really like you.  I value our relationship.  But I cannot go on pretending (this violation) hasn’t happened.  If you care enough about me and this relationship, I am sure you would agree to (leave, leave and never come back).

Still friends?

Fondly,

Me

If you’d like to play along, join the fun here: http://soiwentundercover.wordpress.com/2013/08/22/open-letter-ad-libs/