Once Upon a Time, Some Guy Honked at Me, and We Lived Happily Ever After

Everyone has that one friend who loves to beat you over the head with how hot and desirable she is.  She will provide you with real-time updates of every man who hits on her, because we are just sitting at home on the edge of our seat, dying to know the latest. Has anyone hit on Cara yet today? Gosh, I hope she calls soon with an update!  Or, if you haven’t seen this friend in several months, her first order of business will be to catch you up on every guy who has hit on her since you last met. From the guy driving by who honked his horn, to the barista who gave her a free cup of coffee, to the guy at the club who told her she was the most beautiful girl in the room…and how that wasn’t just a line—he really meant it. Alright already, I get it; you are irresistible to the male species. I always wonder, Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to prove to me that you are pretty? I never said you weren’t pretty. Do I need to tell you more often how pretty you are? Is that was this is about? Then can I stop getting these play-by-plays?

What bothers me most is when girls act like this isn’t bragging. They’ll introduce it into conversation like they are telling a riveting story. “Oh, Marisa, you’ll love this…” Why would I love it – this juicy story about a guy honking at you and then driving away? That’s not a story. A story would be if a guy honked at you and drove away, but then you chased him down the street to give him your number because you were so flattered by his interest, and then you got to talking and realized you were soul mates and eloped to Vegas. That’s a story. But some guy honking at you and driving on is old news. Unless it was Channing Tatum, you need to be less excited about this. You aren’t the first gal to be honked at and you won’t be the last. Guys don’t put a lot of deep thought into selecting that one special recipient of their honking attentions. “I’ve thought a lot about this, circled the block a few times, and it just feels right, I know this is the girl I want to honk my horn at.” I don’t know why women are so flattered by this, like a Nicholas Sparks novel is unfolding around them. This is not the stuff of fairy tales. It is just what guys do. Do you not know how this works? Was this your first time out in public? If I wrapped a sarong around a mailbox, some bozo at some point would drive by and honk at it.

The irony here is that girls tell you these stories because they think it makes them look good. They must be thinking, That’s right, I got honked at today, did you? Didn’t think so. But think about it: if such a small thing is such a big deal to you, does that make you look like a confident person who gets hit on all the time, or an insecure person who gets hit on so little that getting honked at is the best thing that’s ever happened to her? And that is the catch with any sort of bragging; the thing you are bragging about rarely compensates for the insecurity that your need to brag reveals.