Idiots of the Week: Betcha Can’t Pick Just One

It’s a heavy burden, being the Idiot of the Week. So this time I thought I’d spread the weight across the shoulders of the handful of idiots I encountered in my comings and goings. So, without further ado, I present to you this week’s winners:

First, we have the lady who used her plastic metro card to pick food out of her teeth. Forget other concerns like, ‘that ain’t hot’ or ‘is that bad for your card?’ Those are really secondary to the obvious concern of ‘why would you put something that dirty in your mouth!?’ I have gotten progressively more OCD about germs and basically walk around like this on the metro:

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and Miss Oral Hygiene 2013 over there might as well be doing this:

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Up next is the lady at the service desk who snapped her fingers in a customer’s face to get his attention. He wasn’t understanding her directions so instead of racking her brain for another way to say “excuse me, sir” she decided to just snap in his face and point at what she wanted. You know, like when you train a dog! She thought she was being really professional, but everyone should know that treating someone like a dog is a no-no. If she did that to me I’d have been like,

Except it probably would have come out more like,

Hot on her heels is the woman who charged into the public bathroom in such a hurry, and slammed her stall door so hard, that mine came flying open. Not that the huge cracks in the door ensured my privacy before, but I do like having a door to pee behind. I consider it one of the major perks of not being in prison.

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And, for good measure, let’s acknowledge these guys as well. Because… well, this one is just self-explanatory. I think my favorite part is when he tells the fox he is his guardian angel. Or (SPOILER ALERT) when the fox dances. I did not see that one coming.

Don’t forget, you can submit your stories to be features on Idiot of the Week. Or hoard them because coming soon is an Idiot of the Week Blog Hop! If you are interested, comment below and I can let you know when it is up and running!

26 thoughts on “Idiots of the Week: Betcha Can’t Pick Just One

  1. on germs… When my kid was three I took her to Kohl’s. We used the restroom and I told her not to touch ANYTHING because EVERYTHING in public restrooms are disgusting. Then she wanted to know why, so I told her that gross people use the restrooms and leave germs everywhere. She waited until we were walking through the busiest part of the store to practically yell “Mommy, why are all these people SO GROSS?” It. Was. Awesome. when the 20 closest people to us turned to look at me like a wild mob.

    • Hahaha that is a great story. I forgot how you really can’t say anything in front of kids unless you want it repeated in the wrong context in the wrong company haha. If it makes you feel better, a full grown woman was talking about “all the gross people” on the metro the other day. She did not have the excuse of being three…

  2. Speaking of a fox, there was a Fox News talking head who fell asleep on the air. And there was a guy in New York who bought a foot-wide strip of a beach for $120K (up from a starting price of $10) because he didn’t want his neighbor walking across it.

  3. That fox thing. What is up with that fox thing? I was frightened, fascinated…I couldn’t look away. But now the vision is burned into my brain. What is up with that fox thing? And, metaphorically, what does the fox say anyway?

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