Idiot of the Week: Me, Myself, and I

I was unusually pensive as I got ready for work this morning, and I came upon a metaphor between my daily routine and a relay race. In a relay, different team members complete different legs of the race. Fast team members create a lead, but slow team members can quickly waste it away. And I realized this is where I am going wrong; I can’t get to work on time because not all my Team Members are pulling their weight! Get Out of Bed Marisa is the worst, I don’t know who picked her to start. She almost never gives us a lead, hitting snooze every five minutes and making lame excuses like, “I’m not sleeping, I am deciding what to wear today.” But Get Dressed Marisa doesn’t ever seem to get that memo because she wastes more time standing in front of her closet with a blank stare until she gives up and picks out black pants and a black shirt. Don’t even get me started on Take a Shower Marisa. She just stands there like she is shooting a Dove commercial until the hot water runs out. It usually falls to Hair and Makeup Marisa to pick up the slack. Any grand plans she had are abandoned for a quick swish of mascara and a pony tail.

But today was different. You see, Get Out of Bed Marisa ate a lot of salty food yesterday, which meant she drank a lot of water, which meant she really had to pee by 6am. Here it is, the lead we’ve been waiting for. Take a Shower Marisa didn’t even have to complete her leg of the race because after a month of being lazy and making excuses, she finally went to the gym and had showered the night before. Add 25 minutes to the lead. Even Get Dressed Marisa knew what she was doing today, saving more precious time. It all came down to Hair and Makeup Marisa, a pro at throwing something together and running out the door. But since I have the extra time, thought Hair and Makeup Marisa…. And just like that the lead was lost. Time flies when you are trying a new technique with your straight iron for the first time only to realize that your hair still looks bad and have to start from scratch. I just want to know, Hair and Makeup Marisa, was it worth it? You could have used that lead to leave work early today, but instead you spent it on your hair. Tell me, does the wall you face appreciate your new look? Is your computer monitor impressed by your attempt at beach waves? Let me remind you who you work for here. You aren’t on Team Look Good For Strangers, you are on Team The Sooner I Get to Work, The Sooner I Can Leave and Start Enjoying My Me Time. Get it together unless you want to be cut from the team altogether. You are nice to have but we can live without you.

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25 thoughts on “Idiot of the Week: Me, Myself, and I

  1. The sad thing is when we are on time, we are always late. They have quit asking me to work nursery at church b/c I can’t be on time to save my life and I have a permanent spot on the balcony waiting for me just so no one can see me sneak in the back. Let’s not get me started on the hits the snooze button 5x nichole, or the shouldn’t have set the phone alarm to a movie soundtrack Nichole. I always start dreaming the particular movie and lets face it, no one wants to be in the set of twilight unless they are in the arms of one particular leading man lol.

  2. Never thought of myself as a team but I guess we all have our split personality selves living within us. My “get out of bed” personality is always my downfall.She wants to hit the snooze button until it is almost too late to get to work on time. But it might be because my “go to bed” personality refused to get in bed at a decent hour but instead stays up til 3 am. Perhaps I should have a talk with all my personalities and see if we can get this team to play nice with others and remember there is no “I” in team

  3. Love this! So clever and so true!!!! This is the perfect analogy! Not easy to get all of the ‘team’ working together so early….I’ve blown the lead lots of times before!!! Those are bad days!

  4. …one more reason I’m glad I’m a bloke in the mining industry, all I have to is get up, everything else is either done for me (work clothes provided), redundent (no need to shower when you work with stinkier people), or superfluous (hair=helmet, makeup=beard)…easy! Love yer work but. Cheers REDdog

  5. I learned a long time ago to pick out my clothes the day before or I will literally stand in front of the closet for 10 minutes with a stupid expression on my face thinking, “it’s not THAT tough a decision.”

    Glad someone else out there has the same challenge.

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