If you are looking for a good movie to watch with the kids this weekend, try one of my favorites. It’s about a young girl who falls into prostitution after finding herself alone in a new city. By selling her body to the night, she and her drug addict roommate are just barely able to make ends meet. But things are looking up when she takes on a new client; all she has to do is pretend to be his girlfriend and occasionally bathe him and have sex with him in hotel dining rooms! They strike up a bond and in the final moments of the movie she discovers if he can stop treating her like a hooker and finally accept her for who she is.
Sounds good, right? The best part is, you don’t have to Netflix or Redbox it. It is probably playing on ABC Family this very moment! Right up there with Harry Potter and Toy Story is another beloved children’s classic: Pretty Woman. A movie about the luckiest prostitute in the world. And don’t forget Dirty Dancing, another ABC Family Classic, which takes place at what is essentially summer camp for adults. If summer camp is a place where your dance instructor will sleep with you for a wad of cash and where traveling doctors give botched abortions. Don’t get me wrong, I think these are fine movies…just not for an eight-year-old.
With a name like ABC Family, I had always assumed this channel was directed toward children and families. If I were a parent and asked my kid, “Hey, what are you watching down there?” and she answered “ABC Family!” I’d think, Oh okay, with a name like that it’s gotta be wholesome, never suspecting that my child was watching Julia Roberts give Richard Gere a blow job. Even if the network edits out that part, or the part where Jason Alexander forces himself on her, the movie is still always going to be about a prostitute. Which in itself is mature content. Until children’s books and Disney movies feature a strong female lead that is a hooker, I am not going to buy that this is a children’s movie.
Out of curiosity, I went to the ABC Family website to learn more about their mission and read that they “air movies that we think fit our audience’s tastes: all kinds of comedies, plus love stories, fantasies, select classics, and more.” Who is your audience that Richie Rich and Pretty Woman are on par with each other? I guess the answer is in their tagline: A New Kind of Family. The kind that wants their kids to learn about the fairytale of prostitution early on.
Is Everyone an Idiot but Me? 
While I am a huge PLL fan, ABC Family definitely has a screw loose when it comes to defining family friendly television. Most of their programming is not suitable for my kids.
Exactly – I like their shows too..but I am not a child! I am glad you agree!
I’ve been perusing your recent blog posts and can’t stop laughing… I love your style! Most importantly, I love your opinion on this. My 8 year old daughter saw Pretty Women while we were at a friend’s home that didn’t think it was inappropriate to have on with my little one in the room (maybe I need new friends?..) and trying to answer the questions that followed was painful. “Why did she get to stay in that fancy hotel room Mom?” “How come he bought her all those nice clothes Mom?” ……. if my child turns out to be a prostitute when she grows up, I blame Pretty Women.
Thanks! That is what I was thinking — when a kid watches this movie, there will be a lot of questions that will be hard to answer….and I know I wouldn’t feel like explaining prostitution that early haha. You can definitely blame that movie – and your friend – if she turns out to be a prostitute!
ABC Family is such a confusing channel to me. Right up there with TLC. How is “Pretty Little Liars” a family show? And what, exactly, is Honey Boo Boo supposed to be teaching me on The Learning Channel?
It could be teaching you what not to do….?
Agreed, PLL a family show? Secret Life of an American Teen and All Her Friends Who Keep Getting Pregnant?
Congrats on your win! This is witty and spot on. Did you send it to ABC?
Thank you! Not yet but I should!
Yes! Please do. And let us know if there’s a response.
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New kind of family is right. F’ed up kind of family maybe.
Haha exactly
I am scared, as this has made me realize that Honey Boo Boo might be more appropriate than ABC Family. I might be a better mother than I thought. 😉
Haha, victory!
yeah…….not very family friendly imho. I miss actual family movies like Great Outdoors and the like 😦
yeah, whatever happened to Milo and Otis? That’s a classic.
Yeah, that’s some pretty confusing branding lol. I agree that the name really gives the impression of very light stuff!
Rohan.
I’m glad you agree! Thanks for commenting!
Richie Rich? Now THERE’S some smut for you.
To be honest I’ve never seen it and I never plan to haha
I guess we can’t all be Macaulay Culkin completists.
haha, I prefer to think of him only in his best role: Home Alone
I love that Carnival Cruise Lines used to use Iggy Popp’s Lust for Life as their background music.
Here comes Johnny Yen again
With his liquor and drugs
And his flesh machine
He’s going to do another strip tease
I’m tired of sleeping on the sidewalk
No more beating my brains
With liquor and drugs
All this while families frolic on the happiest cruise line around! I was sad when they changed it. Someone in corporate must have finally Googled the lyrics.
Haha I never noticed that, is pretty funny! I guess ABC Family is not alone!
I guess they’re marketing to different members of the family, not necessarily all at once? (O_o)
haha very possible. Fun for the whole family – just not together.
woo – love pretty woman, but it’s not fun for the whole family.
agreed!
and btw, love the title of your blog. cause yeah, except me of course. 😉
haha exactly!
That’s pretty horrifying. What misleading marketing. No bueno, ABC Family.
Yeah, most of what I see on the lineup of ABC Family is not anything I’d let my family watch. Even “Pretty Little Liars” doesn’t set well with me because we’re supposed to, um, be teaching our kids not to lie, right?? Great post.
Haha I agree! All of their shows are targeted at teenagers. When I was a kid I wasn’t even allowed to watch Saved by the Bell. My dad would say, “You aren’t in high school, so why do you need to watch a show about teenagers in high school?”
bam!
great post
Great post. There are so many things I love about our modern culture, but, wow, there are so many things I hate.
Thanks! I agree. I think when you label yourself a Family channel you have an obligation to provide family content.
People have become so numb to what they are watching. I mentioned the Pretty Woman on ABC Family conundrum to my mother who was watching it mid-day and she didn’t see a problem with it….I reminded her of the blow job scene and the fact that Julia is a prostitute on a family network that children watch and she said something to the effect of ” You don’t use words like blow job to your mother.” OMG she so didn’t appreciate it when I said ” …But we can watch one together?”
Hahahahaha. The irony of that is just too much. One adult dare not say BJ to another, but let’s definitely have our kids watch it. That kind of reminds me of this Comcast commercial where a young girl, her father, and her grandmother are watching Family Guy together and laughing. Has Comcast ever seen Family Guy? That is not a show you watch with your mother and your daughter without covering your face in shame and discomfort.
Wait, you mean that’s NOT the ideal we should be teaching our young kids? I’ve been subjecting my boys to a steady stream of these “family” flicks so that they could be prepared for the world once they become rich heartless billionaires that treat woman like disposable diapers, so that one day they can finally find a whore to call their very own. But NOW you tell me that it’s not appropriate? Damn. Ok, hold on, I’ll be right back . . . I need to go change the channel.
Hahaha, thank goodness you read this post huh? Definitely flip the channel to something more wholesome, like HBO.
Yes, I feel very fortunate to have caught it in time. Ok, HBO it is! There’s some vampire show on called True Blood. Sounds wholesome, right? I mean, vampires are all the rage now.
Yes I would recommend starting with True Blood. Lots of sex, just like ABC Family.
you’re so right – i love the line about the ‘fairytale of prostitution’!
Haha, it’s what every little girl dreams of I’m sure!
This is Brilliant. I love your style! I am laughing out loud. And that was just after reading the title of your blog.Will look forward to following you.
Thanks, I’m so glad you like it!
Best line of the week: “If I were a parent and asked my kid, “Hey, what are you watching down there?” and she answered “ABC Family!” I’d think, Oh okay, with a name like that it’s gotta be wholesome, never suspecting that my child was watching Julia Roberts give Richard Gere a blow job.”
Great post that echoes my own feelings towards ABC Family. Well done.
Haha, glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for stopping by!
I love that it is a “love story.” Damn, some people have a strange idea of love. This goes in the same rubbish heap as “Twilight”- unhealthy garbage.
Yeah, ABC Family is indeed questionable seeing as they have shows like “The Secret Life of the American Teenager” and “Baby Daddy”.
Yeah they target to teens much more than families
Oh my goodness! I could have written this post… This is my go to movie for rage. Ridiculous! Love this!
Haha good, so I’m not taking crazy pills! Glad you can relate!
I HATE the movie Pretty Woman. It glamorizes prostitution. In fact, read my post “The Prostitute” from March 2013. And “ABC Family” should be “ABC Dysfunctional Family”.
I definitely agree about the ABC Family = dysfunctional idea. If they want to cater to teens, fine, but don’t call it ABC Family.